One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
