I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
