well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
