4 words: hood of his car
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
