she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
