i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
