I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
