oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
