Already got asked if we're dating
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
