remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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