Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
