Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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