I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
