My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
