My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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