how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
