I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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