You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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