its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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