Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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