please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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