I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
