Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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