Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
