we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
