my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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