Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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