She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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