Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
