I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
