man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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