Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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