I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
