I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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