Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Bring me that man meat
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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