why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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