I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
