Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
