Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize