it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
