I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
