My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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