just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
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