I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
