why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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