please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
