I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
