Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
