i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
