just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
