Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
